An Eye Opener

i can see clearly now why God has given me a special child like eshan. i know now why i was chosen to be eshan's mother. God wanted me to see the world from a different  perspective. yeah, exactly as simple as that. it's not that i wasn't emphatic or sympathetic or i wasn't a loving person before, it's just that i am a better person now than who i used to be.

i have a temper. yes, i'm not proud of it but it's true, i used to get angry at the simplest things. i'm NOT perfect. i curse at stupid drivers on the roads. but ever since i had eshan in my life, i learned the meaning of patience. i do. although i still snap at certain things (boo hoo!), i am way better at handling my temper now than before i had eshan. i learned to handle things differently now. 

and just like edi once said on her blog, i too don't simply judge parents anymore when i see their kid/kids throwing tantrums or making a scene in public. i used to think that kids throwing tantrums are merely spoiled by their parents. i used to stare. boy i was so prejudice. now every time eshan does that, i can't help but think that others will judge me like that too. especially when i see people stare. maybe it's karma. hahah but now i know that God wanted me to see things differently. and i'm glad i do now.

i learned to appreciate the simplest things in life too. like a hug or even a smile. i think if i were to have a normal child, those things would just pass right before my eyes like a leaf blown by morning breeze. it would have slipped off my grasp and i wouldn't have the chance to appreciate it all like i do now. i wouldn't know how rewarding it is to see a smile on my child's face after completing a simple peg board puzzle. or feel content to see him put on his own t-shirt. i wouldn't know the joy of seeing him clap his hands in excitement after he finished arranging his toy cars in a straight line. i would've missed the look in his eyes as he smiled at me getting the drink that he wanted because it took him so much effort to let me know that he wanted it in the first place. i would've missed seeing the world from his point of view. i would've remained the old me.

now i'm proud to say that i am a better person and i'm aware of a lot more things than i used to. i realize now that it's also okay that i'm obsessive compulsive disordered. i'm just more organized than most people. i used to think i was a freak that i needed everything to be in certain orders. but now as i see eshan arranging his toys, i knew he gets that from me and i knew that it's alright to need to have things in sync. i know now that it helps him stay calm from all the chaos around him. i know it's okay to be different from others.

oh how i'm thankful to God for letting me see all these. i really appreciate a lot more things and the people around me. my mother for instance. i learned to appreciate her more with all the things she does for me and eshan. although she still gets on my nerves most of the times hahaha i appreciate her more than i used to. so yeah, i think i understand now why i was chosen to be eshan's mother. God wanted me to be a better person. to see  the world from a different vantage point. and it's a BEAUTIFUL view from where i am right now =)

:: even the silliest things he does just seem to amuse me now ::

:: if things were different, i would have missed appreciating the different poses he does while drinking his plain water ::

:: or how my boring pajama could be of great amusement to him ::

:: don't you agree that it's a beautiful view from here? ::